We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
