I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
