i don't like sucking hair
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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