okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
