I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
