defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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