man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
