Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
