You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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