Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
