I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
