My friends, they love my intelligence
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
