i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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