I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
