At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
