I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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