My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
