Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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