i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
