I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
