sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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