Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
