I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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