after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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