shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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