kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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