Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
