he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
