wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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