I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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