We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
