Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
