i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
