no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i came on her dog
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
