Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
