rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
