her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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