just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
