something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
