I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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