I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
