That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
