I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
