ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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