well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
