I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I look better un-naked...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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