So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sorry about my life...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
