bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
