Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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