somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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