I saw his package. It spoke to me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
