so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
