I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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