when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
