hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
